Self-Help & Helping Your Self
I can’t help but feel slightly like a walking cliché that I’ve spent so many hours consuming self-help books this year. People love to roll their eyes at self-help, or cover the book up if they’re reading it in public, but I personally love the genre (if written by an author I trust.) 2020 has been the year I’ve re-read, or read for the first time, mountains of self-help books. (And even released my own). Eckhart Tolle. Rhonda Byrne. Martha Beck. Julia Cameron. Anne Lamott. But, once you’ve read them all, then what?
In my episode this week with Seth Godin, I ask him about the magic of re-listening to old books and pep-talking yourself. He calls me out. I laugh it off. He basically says that re-listening to the same story over and over basically means you are papering over your own need for reassurance. Reassurance, he says, is futile. It doesn’t last long at all. At some point, you need to stop listening to the pep talk, and trust yourself. Stop hiding from yourself. Nothing wrong with reading, but for a moment, maybe, just put the books down and be with yourself.
I had the great pleasure of interviewing Rhonda Byrne last week for the podcast (coming soon) — she is probably most famously known as being the author of multi-million copy bestseller The Secret. She has now released The Greatest Secret, a book that encourages us to understand the difference between our minds and our intuition. We can trust our intuition, our knowing — but our mind lies to us all the time. It gives tips and tools on how to start questioning and observing your thoughts at a distance instead of being totally guided by them. I highly recommend reading it, but you may have to put your cynical British scowl on the shelf for a bit. It’s a book to be read with an open-mind.
Unlike the countless books that promise you ‘everlasting happiness’ this book is about facing the negativity and really feeling it, leaning into it, almost hugging it in close to you. Not resisting it. She says that when we push our sadness away, we are actually pushing our sadness deeper down inside, and therefore pushing ourselves away when we need ourselves the most. As Brene Brown often says, shame cannot survive when its shown empathy. We feel empathy towards others, so maybe it’s time we felt it towards ourselves more often.
Another thing I learned from the book is that every time we are ‘triggered’ by a thought or emotion, we are literally re-triggering the same thought, and the golden retriever in our heads takes any thought and chases it around and round in circles. Rhonda teaches us how to release the emotion, and let it go, so it can no longer be re-triggered as frequently.
As much as I have learned a lot from all the books I’ve read/listened to this year, I have been thinking a lot about what Seth said. Perhaps the best thing you can do when you suddenly feel like you need ‘self-help’ is help your self by sitting down and really listening to yourself instead. Not your mind, but your inner intuition.
Because… we already know the answers.
PS. If you’re interested in hearing more about The Greatest Secret I am very excited to be interviewing the brilliant Rhonda Byrne herself for a special Waterstones event on Dec 3rd, tickets are available here.
