29 Things I've Learned (So Far)

Here are 29 ways I slowly but surely crept out of my comfort zone in order to feel like my twenties were worth the ups and downs, and that my thirties might be a better decade in all sorts of mysterious ways...

1. Jealousy feels icky and gross, but it is an incredibly useful emotion. I now track what triggers me, or makes me feel vulnerable. I no longer ignore the intensity of my feelings, or squat them away like a fly. Instead I accept them, pause, sit in my uncomfortable feelings and use them as a guide. Emotions are maps.

2. Fears become more real as you get older. And that’s okay. I used to be that girl who could fling a pair of knickers in a tote bag and board a cheap flight, no problem. Now, everything seems to matter more. I have more to lose. I question everything, and therefore have grown a fear of flying. I’ve learned that the anxiety isn’t me, but that it occasionally happens to me, and I get to decide how much of a role it plays in my life. Instead of the anxiety auditioning and getting the main part, I have made sure the anxiety only gets to play Villager Number Four who spends most of their time watching the main show behind the curtain.

2. If a friend drains you, puts you down, becomes endlessly competitive with you, then it is okay to step away from them, for a while, or maybe forever.

3. Regardless of whether or not you want to become a mother yourself one day, everything seems to melt away when you meet the newborn baby of someone close to you, no matter what other crap is going on in the world.

4. Being a feminist doesn’t mean you can’t ever question or call out other women for their behaviour.

5. There is more to life than work. But we do spend a lot of time at work, so let’s not kid ourselves that it doesn’t matter. It matters because it’s your life.

6. The internet can trick you into thinking everyone is looking at you and judging you. They’re not. Everyone is looking at themselves.

7. Going freelance is not a marble desk and a midday bath. It is hard, lonely and takes lots of mental health hacks and apps to keep it worthwhile. 

8. Saying no will always feel difficult if (like me) you grew up being a people pleaser. But practise saying it. Saying no can becoming thrilling and addictive because it means you are reclaiming your time – and your life. 

9. If you are putting something off and making up excuses not to start, it probably means you really, really want it.

10. Acknowledging your privilege is step one. Passing the mic is step two.

11. Self-sabotage is real. Anytime I grow, my first inclination is to try to shrink. Monitor your reactions to your own success carefully.

12. Relationships require work and a few difficult conversations. The quicker you both say sorry, the better.

13. Digging for nuance is always more fulfilling than immediately picking a side out of peer pressure.

14. Things change. Social media platforms change. We change. Don’t forget to look ahead and zoom out.

15. Journaling feels embarrassing and self-indulgent. But writing down, in pen, what you are grateful for is the best way to fall back in love with your life. 

16. Any tweet you write can be taken seven billion different ways. 

17. You will get bad reviews. It’s okay. Search for your all-time favourite author on Amazon, even they have had a bad review.

18. It is impossible to be liked by everybody. But it can feel just as good to make something meaningful for a small number of people who really care.

19. As Caitlin Moran says: “You probably aren't having a full-on nervous breakdown – you just need a cup of tea and a biscuit.”

20. Asking for more (money, effort, time) is terrifying, but ultimately thrilling. The more you ask, the more you get. Ask, ask and ask again.

21. You can do anything but you can’t do everything. Keep this in mind when you are heading towards burn-out.

22. In a world of content and cat videos, let’s not forget the art of reading. Re-reading an old book almost immediately slows me down. It’s healing. 

23. It is okay to contradict yourself, to be called a hypocrite, to change your mind.

24. The world is begging us to be kinder. You know when someone stands on the left hand-side of an escalator in London? People get irate. “How dare this person stand there, when I want to walk! Don’t they know the rules?” But the person rarely does it because they are trying to be malicious. They simply didn’t realise. Maybe they’ve not been to London before. We should treat people with kindness first, instead of immediately believing they are out to get us and ruin our day.

25. Even Michelle Obama has impostor syndrome, so maybe this means it never truly goes away. Maybe it’s useful to doubt ourselves every so often, as long as it doesn’t get in the way of the doing.

26. Following your curiosity is so much more fun and fulfilling than following your passion. Passion can fade, curiosity is always there.

27. Invest in nice bedding and good shoes. “If you’re not in one, you’re in the other,” I think the saying goes.

28. Success literally means “to achieve a desired outcome”. You get to decide what the desired outcome of your life is. It can be anything. It just needs to be yours. 

29. Remember you have enough inside to keep filling you up. You are your own resource. You don’t need constant reassurance. You already know what you’re doing. Know that you alone are totally and completely enough.

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