20 reasons why you should party in your house and not in a club
1. You burn soooo many calories. Dance in your kitchen for half an hour and if you’re not sweating then you have a problem.
2. You/your friends are the DJ. You wanna play Sean Paul then YOU PLAY SEAN PAUL.
3. You can go outside for cigarette breaks and not be told by a bouncer than you need to go inside ‘the penn’.
4. You are within 3 foot of a bed. Enough said.
5. You won’t get chatted up by some seedy guy trying to buy you and your friends sambuca.
6. You can get changed into your pyjamas half way through the night.
7. You can drink ANY DRINK. At Tesco prices. Without your barman disguising the fact that your vodka is actually ice.
8. You can invent your own cocktail. It’s called ‘put anything you can find into my glass’.
9. No queuing for the loos. And you get looroll. And you don’t have to hover over the seat.
10. You can dance like no one is watching. Because no one is actually watching.
11. You are with your friends and not random loonies off the street.
12. There is no time limit. Lights up at 2am? NOT IN THIS HOUSE.
13. Did I mention you can go to bed?
14. No overpriced taxis or waiting in the cold.
15. I’m hungry. Oh LOOK! A FRIDGE!
16. You can take off your shoes and not be scared of stepping in wee/glass/wee.
17. You can dance in different rooms if you get bored of the scenery.
18. You won’t have anyone grope you from behind. If you do, it’s your mate so it’s just lolz.
19. If you want, you could even dance wrapped in a duvet.
20. If you build up a rep for being a fun house, you could make a brilliant profit on charging entry fees to your neighbours.
“In love with Emma Gannon’s Ctrl Alt Delete. So funny & smart, and reminding me of some of my own cringe teen Internet exploits!”– Anna James, former literary editor of ELLE
"Funny, honest, and nostalgic!"– The Debrief
“Emma Gannon is a bright spark of light in the world. I seriously dig everything she makes”– Elizabeth Gilbert, bestselling author of Big Magic