The Unofficial Guide To Twitter Etiquette in 2014
Twitter is now a different ball game. The world and it’s wife are watching you. Here are some modern day rules for Twitter (and I am not saying that I haven’t betrayed some of them; my halo has slipped a few times I am sure):
- If you are going to steal someone’s image, Photoshopped pic or illustration, make you have the decency to include a “via” or “cc” with their @handle so they are credited.
- To be really polite, you should also do that whenever you link to a clever article you find so people don’t brand you a Twitter thief.
- Don’t tweet a big celebrity (like say @victoriabeckham or @kanyewest) stuff like “hey babes” or “i love you” – everyone knows that you’re not pals and everyone can see the deafening silence.
- Don’t be over-familiar with people you’ve only met once (HEY BFF!) incase they don’t reply.
- Don’t use one of those downloadable headers that have a fake “verified tick” unless you want to look silly. Sorry @therealjogannon.
- Have at least a 15 minute gap between each tweet.
- Don’t @ someone in if you’re bitching about them. They will see it.
- You can retweet someone if they’ve linked to your article/blog post/piece of work, but not if they’ve complimented on you on something superficial like your haircut. That’s just vain babe.
- Don’t drunkenly tweet about your boss or colleagues.
- If you’ve written a book, you can only link to Amazon 3 times a day. That’s me being nice.
- Don’t attach pictures of selfies directly, Twitter’s not the place for that. (A link to Instagram is OK).
- Don’t retweet more than three things in a row.
- If you get into a proper “Twitter spat” only put a full stop in front of the first few tweets. People don’t care about witnessing the whole argument.
- Refrain for describing yourself as a daughter/wife/friend/person in your bio. You’re more interesting than that.
- Try not to follow more people than follow you. It’s the Twitter equivalent of having some loo roll stuck to your shoe, the fact that you don’t notice makes it extra embarrassing.
- Don’t organise your drinks location via tweets, unless you potentially want to be spied on.
- Only tweet about a TV show if it’s live (not on iPlayer) otherwise you will confuse a lot of people.
- Also don’t tweet any spoilers to stuff like Games of Thrones/Orange is the new black/etc etc unless you want angry threats.
- Don’t tweet when you’re off sick from work (or have cancelled on someone).
- Don’t retweet or tweet any companies “HR” or “careers’ twitter feeds if you don’t want your boss to know you’re looking for another job.
- Don’t link to, or mention Facebook – everyone is on Twitter because they are trying to avoid it.
- Don’t ask anyone you unfollowed to DM you, because they’ll realise they can’t and it’ll get awkward.
- Don’t include more than three hashtags (at the VERY most)
- If you are humble-bragging, admit it.
- If you are just plain bragging, don’t admit it.
- Only delete a tweet (that pathetically flopped) after 5 minutes, any longer then people will notice.
- DON’T (if you are a journo or PR) send the same spammy message to everyone in a row. It is VISIBLE and no one will feel special.
- Too many kisses or smilies is worrying, there is no limit on emojis however.
- Don’t rise to *those* headlines from *certain* online celebrity magazines that exist to make you angry. Just scroll past it and rant to someone IRL.
- It’s recommended not to ever tweet that you’re bored, or need a hug.
- The Favourite button is your friend. Make it your “read later” list but remember everyone can see them. So maybe have a second think when you’re about to favourite “How To Quit Your Job” or “How To Get Out Of Going On Holiday With A Friend”. Your favourites will say a lot about you.
- Don’t take the piss out of too many “Twitter fails” – what goes around comes around. #Karma
- Only write in full capitals letters a few times a week. Otherwise people might become afraid of you.
- Don’t accidentally tweet what you meant for Google, or for a DM.
- If in doubt, or too tired to function, reply to someone with a GIF.
- Don’t put a cartoon or an animal as your profile pic unless you want to be mistaken for a troll.
- Say thank you if people offer you advice, recommendations or answer helpfully to your question.
- Don’t ask brands for freebies so you can review it on your Blogspot site. It’s the equivalent of going through the bins in public.
If I have missed any please tweet me @girllostincity!
“In love with Emma Gannon’s Ctrl Alt Delete. So funny & smart, and reminding me of some of my own cringe teen Internet exploits!”– Anna James, former literary editor of ELLE
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