Some tongue in cheek questions for Kirstie Allsopp, who is totally entitled to her own opinion, by the way
Every now and again, there’s a little Twitter storm in a teacup. Which goes a little bit like this:
1) You spot a strange quote on Twitter that makes your ears prick up
2) You think WOW, say what?
3) Lots of angry and denfensive tweets and retweets
4) You click through to read the full article
5) You read said quotes in context
6) You realise there is a more in-depth version of the person’s argument
7) Everyone writes opinion pieces on said article
8) You spend a good hour reading articles from your favourite writers who all have different, binary opposite opinions
Still following? This is what happened with Kirstie Allsopp’s quotes yesterday. She was giving some advice for her hypothetical daughter:
“Darling, do you know what? Don’t go to university. Start work straight after school, stay at home, save up your deposit. I’ll help you, let’s get you into a flat. And then we can find you a nice boyfriend and you can have a baby by the time you’re 27.”
I couldn’t help but have my own thoughts about this. Mainly because rightly or wrongly it jars with everything I have been thinking recently. Maybe because I’m in my mid-twenties and still figuring stuff out and the thought of looking after another human being terrifies me. This my own personal stage of life though. But I don’t find Kirstie’s opinions offensive at all. I know lots of people that have chosen the above course of life and they are really happy. To be honest, I’m a bit jealous of them. I wish I did want to have a baby early on and settle down etc, it sounds delightful and simpler than waiting it out. But I’m on a different journey. And each to their own. It’s absolutely nobody else’s business what choices we individually make.
But, I respect people’s opinions and we’re not all the same in the way we choose to live our lives – I just have a few harmless (not serious) questions. This is a sort of satirical take on the fact that everybody is getting their knickers in a right old twist whenever careers and babies are discussed:
1) Why does it have to be the aim to find a “nice boyfriend”? Is it OK if they are a “hilariously funny boyfriend” or “nice-some-of-the-time” boyfriend or “not so much nice, but very interesting and talented” boyfriend? What about living with “nice group of mates or a “nice” friend? Or what about a nice boy, that’s also a friend?
2) Also what would be the best way to “find” the nice boyfriend? Sounds like a treasure hunt! Just asking, for a friend. On the street? Tinder? Mother and daughter joint dates? A fishing hook? Brutal marks out of 10 like in “Come Dine With Me?”
3) Just wondering where making mistakes come into all this? If it’s all planned out from school so meticulously where’s the time for the major f*ck ups along the way? When would we be able to use the classic quote “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”? I like to use this quote on average 3 times a week.
4) Agree on the flat thing, but would it be a bit small? We’re not thinking studio flat right? Don’t you need a house to have a baby? Like a spare room and shit?
5) Without going to university in your teens, how would you learn to negotiate on getting good marks on your essays? Or how to find creative excuses for getting out of drinking Jagermiester without being branded “a loser”? Or how to sleep next to another person in a single bed? Or how to learn if someone is a twat within the first five minutes of meeting them? All extremely good skills to have mastered during three years of not-doing-a-lot.
6) What if you can’t “stay at home” and save a deposit because you want to move to a big city and your family live in the middle of nowhere without no internet connection? WHAT IF YOU HATE EVERYBODY IN YOUR HOME TOWN? (I love my hometown though, btw)
7) Why 27? Could this be the most random age of all time? It’s a bit of a non-age? Also by saying have a baby “by the time you’re 27” does that mean get preggers at 26, nine months before 27h birthday? Why not wait until at least 30 so that it’s still possible to fully reap the benefits of things like the under-27 membership at Shoreditch House?
8) How on earth would teenagers get jobs straight after school? Who would trust them, for starters? What about dentists and doctors? Would we have a bunch of 16 year olds running around with lab coats on?
“In love with Emma Gannon’s Ctrl Alt Delete. So funny & smart, and reminding me of some of my own cringe teen Internet exploits!”– Anna James, former literary editor of ELLE
"Funny, honest, and nostalgic!"– The Debrief
“Emma Gannon is a bright spark of light in the world. I seriously dig everything she makes”– Elizabeth Gilbert, bestselling author of Big Magic