Am I An Adult Now?
On paper, I’m a total adult now.
A) I have moved in with my boyfriend
B) We have a dishwasher (albeit it’s still in the living room and needs to be picked up and replaced because it’s too big for the gap in the kitchen.)
C) We have a spare room.
The last two have specifically been my measure of whether or not I am in fact an adult yet. On paper, this is it. This is what teenage me would have wanted. I’ve got my one-way ticket to Adulthood and the train is just pulling in.
I’m quite enjoying doing the whole ‘nesting’ thing. Or should I say: watching my boyfriend get loads of stuff done and sigh at me because I am useless. I am not very good at sorting home-related things. We have to buy blinds for the windows. We need to yell at someone for the fact that the Internet installation is delayed. One of the things I have contributed to the house, however, are three mini-house plants that sit along the side of the large window leading onto the balcony that I picked from IKEA. I have also proudly scattered expensive candles in the bathroom (promptly following by “Emma, you can’t put candles on this wooden shelf”). Woops.
On Sunday night, my best friend came over for tea.
“What you upto?” she asked, taking a sip from her mug.
“I’m…. pretending to be an adult.” My voice wavered.
This is the thing: I am trying. Trying hard to be a grown-up, but the reality is that I am not. It’s a step away from my old room, my old habits; the one splattered with magazines, half-drunk cups of tea, a room that saw different people go in and out including ex-boyfriends and ex-friends. A room I’d pass out in having stayed out until 4am on a work night. Lonely Sundays and monstrous hangovers. It holds such good memories, and yet, memories that are now so cloudy in my head.
So I can officially say that I am kidding myself at pretending to have my shit together. Because I made a list, and you can see which list is longer.
Things That Make Me Feel Like An Adult
- I have a passport holder
- I work hard at a job I love
- Our bed is in the middle of room with side tables on each side
- I live with another person who I love
- I have 3 mini-house plants
Things That Don’t Make Me Feel Like An Adult
- I put off doing the laundry until I’m down to one pair of pants
- I leave packing to the last minute
- I cannot read a map
- I’m not very good at using vouchers
- I rarely make any decision (big or small) without asking my dad’s opinion first
- I still can’t cook very well
- I leave mouldy receipts in my bag
- I spend money on stupid things like smoothies that I could make myself
- The fruit bowl is never fully stocked
- I once went 4 months without a lightbulb in my room
- I never write down important things so I aways have to dig through emails
- I’m REALLY bad at early mornings
- I leave forget my Oyster card a lot
- I can’t leave voicemails
- I still get really emotional when I go home to my parents house
- I have a teddy bear called Henry
- I rarely iron my clothes
How I Grew Up Online
“In love with Emma Gannon’s Ctrl Alt Delete. So funny & smart, and reminding me of some of my own cringe teen Internet exploits!”– Anna James, former literary editor of ELLE
"Funny, honest, and nostalgic!"– The Debrief
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