November 06, 2015

RIP Facebook’s “Maybe” Button

diamants-sur-canape-1961-08-g-1

As a serial clicker of this button — here’s all the different ways it helped me be an awful person.

In my eyes, there is a bigger news story in the world of social networking that is more important to me than the news of Twitter killing of the “favourite”. Yes, everyone is talking about stars turning into hearts and getting headaches over it. One person tweeted “this is the worst thing that has ever happened” upon hearing the news. Wow. But I’m here to talk about the fact that Facebook has erased the “Maybe” button from our lives. The Powers That Be have officially come to decision to drop the ‘maybe’ from events in favour of ‘interested’ , according to a spokesperson today.

This is big. Especially for introverts. I’m livid. That button helped me be the true Social Flake that I am. Less Facebook, More Flakebook. (You’re welcome.)

The vagueness of this button helped many people avoid having to actually say “Yes” or “No” to many a party. It is the rudest and most loved button of all social network buttons, in my opinion.

So here are the ways in which I used the “Maybe” button in all its glory (as a way to reminisce):

  • To try and act cool with someone I used to fancy (back in the day). Maybe. Maybe I’ll turn up. If you’re LUCKY.
  • To disguise the fact that I was Definitely-Categorically-Not-The-Country NOT going. But I just wanted to remain polite.
  • To keep my options open in case something better came up.
  • To disguise to others that I never ever leave my house but this time “maybe” I will.
  • To stall some time so I could make up my mind.
  • To save the drama of having to officially cancel later on.
  • To save myself incase I bumped into the host between now and the party I could pretend I was going.
  • I would use it to put me off ever throwing a party. with 80% of Maybes, you’re fucked.
  • By being able to turn up to the party and yell “SURPRISE!” because everyone thought my “Maybe” meant “no.”
  • The running gags about how “Maybe” does genuinely actually mean “I’d rather stick a fork in my eye than attend your fancy dress party in a pub.”
  • To appear passive aggressive, when getting sent a sloppy-seconds invite to something late, as a last-minute after thought.

Main point: I am an awful person to have used the Maybe Button so often in my life.

Second point: I still believe the best way to organise an event is why texting/Whatsapping/Emailing people. Facebook Events turn people into flakes. Me included.

Third point: I understand if you never ever invite me to party. But by texting it means we’re actually friends and I would therefore clearly love to attend. But by clicking “yes” on Facebook it must sound pretty special, as that commitment in itself means I LOVE YOU and would be there wearing a bell. I mean, with bells on.

At least with the “Interested” button, if you click it, you are more of a dick if you don’t go. With “Maybe” could you just about get away with being a totally awful person. I’m going to really miss it.

My Book

“In love with Emma Gannon’s Ctrl Alt Delete. So funny & smart, and reminding me of some of my own cringe teen Internet exploits!”

– Anna James, former literary editor of ELLE

"Funny, honest, and nostalgic!"

– The Debrief

“Emma Gannon is a bright spark of light in the world. I seriously dig everything she makes”

– Elizabeth Gilbert, bestselling author of Big Magic