July 13, 2015

20 Immediate Thoughts After Watching Magic Mike XXL


1. Genuinely, am I allowed to like this? And *whispers* can I still call myself a feminist? *hides behind a tree*
2. The best thing about this film might just be Jada Pinkett Smith
3. Imagine if Jada Pinkett Smith was your mum
4. I mean, I wonder how Willow Smith is feeling right now
5. Why is Amber Heard pretending to eat a whole red velvet cake? It reeks of “The Cool Girl”. Gillian Flynn is watching you
6. Oh my god it’s Andie MacDowell from Four Weddings and a Funeral playing a cringe Mum with a weird accent
7. Channing Tatum referencing Downton Abbey is the sexiest bit in all of this
8. Woah. They are really really f*cking muscly
9. Do these strippers think they are therapists? There’s a lot of “healing” and “fixing you” chat going on, you are not Chris Martin
10. They magically end up from a broken down truck to luxury pool parties. As if by magic
11. Alright alright alright, I miss Matthew McConaughey
12. I feel so uncomfortable at this weird 50 shades of Grey homage
13. How old is Joe Manganiello? Actually I don’t care
14. When can I watch it again?
15. Matt Bomer sounds like Matt “Boner”
16. I wonder how much money Genuwine is getting for this constant re-play of Pony?
17. How are they all keeping a straight face?
18. Can I be bothered to write a think-piece on this?
19. I feel exhausted
20. I’m glad it’s nearly finished but I do want to watch it again when drunk.

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