April 23, 2016

Too Busy Waiting

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I feel like I owe a little personal update to this blog. Not because I have to, but because I want to. Sometimes I just have to gently remind myself that this blog started as a little diary with random thoughts – and that’s the beauty of it. My posts don’t have to be BIG and PERFECT and full of POETIC WRITING, it can just be little old me, writing whatever the hell I want. It doesn’t have to be a masterpiece. I don’t have to have a big point in mind, or a conclusion. My favourite blogs are not perfect or glossy. They’re just real.

Writing on this blog is relaxing for me. It gets me out of a funk. Whenever people ask “how I find the time” to blog, I feel like the question is hard to answer but I don’t see this blog as “work”. In the same way I manage to find the time to go to the cinema, listen to a Longform podcast, or go and buy a chocolate bar from the Co-op, tapping away on this blog brings me a great (and simple) amount of joy. It’s uplifting and it energises me.

At the moment, I feel busier than ever. I’m working on lots of different projects; my inbox is pinging in an exciting way, each day is so different, and by the time bed-time comes around I’m so ready for it. The podcast has really taken off. My podcast only officially “launched” at the beginning of this month and I’ve already had 30,000+ listens. I’m going to be working with a sponsor over the Summer and book more guests in – I don’t really see it “ending” any time soon – I have so many questions and topics and ideas to bring forward and share. It’s a total joy to do and feels right– I can safely say it’s one of my favourite things I’ve created. I’m kind of obsessed with it. It feels good to finish one project and get my teeth into another.

Regardless of hitting “publish” on these podcast episodes, in a selfish sort of way I just feel slightly better about life having now spoken to some of my favourite writers one-to-one. It felt good. For me. So if I felt better, I knew it could only mean other people might feel better too. It felt honest and raw and truthful. It feels like self-improvement and self-empowerment. All I’m doing is using the Internet to navigate the emotional roller-coaster of life and share what I can learn.

Of course it is ALL made worthwhile hearing people’s amazing feedback: an episode someone enjoyed or a personal soundbite someone took away from it. I think listening to honest conversations can change how we feel about our lives, and ourselves. We can all benefit sometimes from being a fly on the wall, and listening into other people’s conversations about what they think. I ask the questions I want to know the answer to. Not what will get the best “headline” or “clicks”.

I’m working on book two. The idea is there, I’m just fine-tuning it before I nail the proposal and also working on several screen ideas with some really cool and clever people. Basically: things are going well so shut-up Emma but working for myself can be quite anxiety-inducing. Back in my old job, I could delegate bits of my to-do list, and now I can’t. All of it is on me. If something fucks up, it’s just me who’s fucked up. My way of dealing with it is talking it out to other bloggers and authors. It helps to share and care. Working for myself is just so different.

The niggles of anxiety, I suppose, are coming from the waiting. I’m busy, but I’m still waiting.

I’m waiting, obviously, for my book to come out. It comes out in July and it’s currently 23rd April, which is practically May. May is practically June, and June is practically July. So yeah, it’s really close now. But what am I waiting for? I think I’m just waiting for it to exist in physical form. To hold it. To remember I wrote it.

Perhaps I’m also waiting to let go of it.

I’ve been busy – or should I say “busying” – to the point of genuinely forgetting that the book is coming out for a moment or two. It’s done now, there’s not as many back and forth emails anymore about it.

I’m just…waiting.

For people to read it, I suppose.


No Responses

  1. Elaine says:

    I can’t wait to read it!! x

  2. Emily says:

    Glad to hear things are going so well! You’ve been up to some incredible things!
    Will your book also be published in the US? Would love to read it!

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